skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Because uncaused or not caused or just because nor unjust causes yet beyond what was gone over between them from outside their minds within those walls that surrounded them with ambitions that ended up in new dead ends. Yet and still not yet beyond what was gone over seemed gone and over was or wasn't quite completely gone nor completely over. Their ongoing basket tipped over and crushed their over and done with. And this led to paint talk of paint which led to the worst illnesses or nastiest looking injuries talk of the worst illnesses of nastiest looking injuries which led right back to paint talk of paint.
Gwen: I don't.
Mull: I don't either.
Gwen: It's difficult.
Mull: Especially difficult.
Gwen: Especially when it's someone else somewhere else.
Mull: Who were we speaking of again?
Gwen: Yeah, who were we speaking of again?
Mull: (pausing) That no this is getting to me.
Gwen: What about who?
Mull: Maybe it is that after all.
Gwen: Who?
Mull: No that mess of sticky notes over there.
Gwen: Sticky notes?
Mull: Yes, the sticky notes over there the big yellow mess of yellow feathers over there pasted against that monitor all that's left of a strange bird caught several messages ago.
Gwen: Do you think it's been long enough?
Mull: Maybe, but let's give it a little while longer.
Gwen: And what's a little while longer?
Mull: I say something and then you say something and then you say something and then that will be a little while longer.
Gwen: Why don't you have us alternating?
Mull: Alternating?
Gwen: You have me saying something two times in a row.
Mull: That's because I wanted to compensate you for me saying something first.
Gwen: That doesn't make sense for two reasons.
Mull: Is this going to be another one of your lists with numbered items?
Gwen: It's just barely more than 1.
Mull: What would be your minimum requirement for a list?
1. cellphone at the bottom of a pool infested with algae
2. a urine collection cup used for drinking coffee
3. brown top grey pants
4. grey top brown pants
5. desert
6. more desert
7. closed rest stop
8. more desert
9. need gas
10. got gas
11. lift left thigh
12. steer off of shoulder
13. next time
14. lift right thigh
15. end list
16. next time
17. lift left thigh
18. better sound quality
19. final notice
20. next time
21. toenail clippers
22. more desert
Mull: When you take meeting notes, do you try to make the letters fit in the squares?
Gwen: I don't use graph paper.
Mull: I thought you preferred graph paper.
Gwen: And who said I was taking meeting notes?
Mull: It was thrown into your lap, I know.
Gwen: Thrown? I'd be surprised if anyone makes that much movement. Preoccupied with forwarding shit around from one blood clot to another. It's assumed into my lap. Just like everything else it's assumed into my lap.
Mull: Franny doesn't complain about taking notes in in what department is that? They keep changing what it's called.
Gwen: That's because you haven't heard her complain like she does to me about the notes about the meetings about her boss about her job about her dick of a husband about whether or not to reject the null hypothesis about tracking space debris such as nosecone shrouds and hatch covers.
Mull: What is that? 7 items?
Gwen: 8 items if you break up space debris.
Mull: Breaking up space debris is hard to do.
Gwen: Do you think it's been long enough?
Mull: Maybe, but let's give it a little while longer.
Gwen: And what's a little while longer?
Mull: I say something and then you say something and then you say something and then that will be a little while longer.
Gwen: Why don't you have us alternating?
Mull: Alternating?
Gwen: You have me saying something two times in a row.
Mull: That's because I wanted to compensate you for me saying something first.
Gwen: That doesn't make sense for two reasons.
Mull: Is this going to be another one of your lists with numbered items?
Gwen: It's just barely more than 1.
Mull: What would be your minimum requirement for a list?
37. Separate ways
38. Visiting the same planet
39. Everyday putting shoes on
40. Preventing roots from
41. one step after another
42. stopped making faces
43. end list
44. stopped making faces
45. knock it off
46. might as well
47. they have all
48. been knocked off
Mull: Where are you going?
Gwen: I'm going to make a try of it to the next office.
Mull: So much for my measurements.
Gwen: Now's the time to go while the lens is pointed the other direction.
Mull: I'm coming. There we made it. Whose egg carton of an office is this?
Gwen: It's the same size as yours.
Mull: Seems smaller with all the crap they have in here.
Gwen: Those are procedures manuals.
Mull: Is this Blepperitsky's office?
Gwen: Blepperitsky is two more offices down make a right at the copier room and then take the elevator down 6 flights.
Mull: Couldn't we just head straight for the elevator and have done with it?
Gwen: Too risky. What is that?
Mull: They have a bird with yellow feathers also.
Gwen: No, that sound you're making.
Mull: I'm running my fingers along the sticky notes.
Gwen: You're making a sound in your mouth with your saliva.
Mull: Oh, I was trying to recreate what it was like when it used to rain. Nostalgic, eh?
Gwen: That does not sound like rain.
Mull: I was going for a steady downpour.
Gwen: It sounds more like after your cough medicine has kicked in.
Mull: This is interesting (pulling off a sticky note and reading it).
Gwen: What does it say?
Mull: It says, "Do you remember leaves?"
Gwen: That doesn't make sense for 3 reasons. There, I've added an item to the list.
Mull: Well, do you?
Gwen: Do I what?
Mull: Do you remember leaves?
Gwen: No. That's a stupid question. And don't make any repulsive attempts at weather phenomena with your body.
Mull: With nothing but needles and thorns you'd think that you'd at least be with me on this.
Gwen: He leaves she leaves she leaves is more like it. You know, metaphysics.
Mull: How is that metaphysics?
Gwen: The basic foundational structure of reality.
Mull: Don't forget to include the other vital building blocks.
Gwen: Is this is where you go on about particle physics or biological approaches to information?
Mull: I was going to say embarrassment. Can't leave out embarrassing moments strung together with all those other blocks of time waiting for others to have their embarrassing moments.
Gwen: Do you think it's been long enough?
Mull: Maybe, but let's give it a little while longer.
- Max Stoltenberg
Blink tight
Eyes almost refuse to open
Nut thermometer drops into the lap
of emptiness overlooked
harshly eccentric
and carved into a rigid daze
sitting at a slumped attention
fucking morning
An image virus
Stick figures drawn in the layer of vomit
Legs and arms toppled
Felled park she wants to return to
for caressing a slipped disk
for a slipped tongue
slip of the tongue
tonguing a slip
fucking morning
another day of
what to call it
what
to call it
another day of
looking up and the thumb this time
digging a smile into the face
that never opens
having some
having some day
having some difficulty
logging into it
another day of
what to call it
what
to call it
- Max Stoltenberg
If that if that's how they want to put it how they put it together their thing guess it's their thing put kept together with things those connecting things making connections all and all of them growing growing closer and closer together and this is coming from one bag to another if that if that's how they want to put it how they want to put it together their thing guess it's their thing put kept together with things those connecting things making connections all and all of them growing growing closer and closer together and this is coming from one bag to another each coming to this point a lot alike in its own way coming with all that coming together all that back to back back to basics getting on each other's backs if that if that's how they want to put it how they put it together their thing guess it's their thing put kept together how together with those connecting things making connections all and all of them growing growing closer and closer together and this is coming from one bag to another each coming to this point a lot alike in its own way coming with all that coming together all that back to back back to basics getting on each other's backs if that if that's how they want to put it together.
They tucked themselves in for the night between one day and the next between the anticipation of the future and the disappointment of when it finally arrived between the desert and the dump between the expanding and narrowing shafts between the dry and waxed tallow lips between the oiled cogs and the parts they played.
"Is my hand stuck in your hair?"
"Is one of my hairs wrapped around one of your knuckles?"
"Has my coffee breath squelched your scent?"
"Have I underestimated my body or overestimated our surroundings?"
"Are we asking too many questions?"
"Am I not giving good enough answers?"
"How about I move my hand?"
"What if I turn my head this way?"
"There. It came undone. That was fun."
"Untangling?"
"Well, that, too, but I meant that we were asking continual questions."
"Were we?"
"Yes, I think so, and you can stop now. OK?"
"Are we going on with the questions or are you actually inquiring about me?"
"What was that?"
"I said are we going on with the questions or -"
"No, did you hear that?"
"Is this where you start again about the footsteps and those from above looking down around the storm drains for us?"
"Am I still the only one who notices it?"
"Do we only notice anything when our waste mixes with the other's?"
"Is it that I'm exaggerating what little reflection I imagine I can muster?"
"Is that what we're calling it now? Can we point our fingers at it and say that's reflective thought when it's really more a matter of obsession with disentangling and how things reflect on us?"
"Is that what you think of my obsession with you?"
"Is that what you're obsessed with? Are you more obsessed with sticking your penetrating questions in and out of me or that my stack of shit might fall over and get confused with yours? Do you really like my hair like this when we don't know when I'll ever be able to wash it again? Is anything I'm saying not ending up in one of your parentheses? With so little room in this dark smelly hole how often do I show up in your mind?"
They tucked themselves in for the night between one day and the next between the anticipation of the future and the disappointment of when it finally arrived between the desert and the dump between the expanding and narrowing shafts between the dry and waxed tallow lips between the oiled cogs and the parts they played if that if that's how they want to put it how they put it together their thing guess it's their thing put kept together how together with those connecting things making connections all and all of them growing growing closer and closer together and this is coming from one bag to another each coming to this point a lot alike in its own way coming with all that coming together all that back to back back to basics getting on each other's backs slipping and falling off of each other to end up back together at the bottom of the grease trap all and all of them all of those grease traps growing growing closer and closer together growing into one another if that if that's how they want to put it how they put it together.
- Max Stoltenberg
Pulling on the tag ripping another tear in the back of the shirt stop there's a tag and its directions can't read them must read them stop there's a tag lost hold of it and its directions can't read them can't make them out making out there was that tree against it against her why why did things end up against her not this this voice this is a voice the sound tapping on the glass reflecting that tree there was that tree against it against her why why did things end up against her not this this voice pulling on the tag ripping another tear in the back of the shirt stop there's a tag and its directions can't read them must read them stop there's a tag lost hold of it and its directions can't read them can't make them out making out there was that tree against it against her why why did things end up against her?
Have become so manageable fuck what's on the inside gets blown away from off the top before the ride is over what a cut remember before you forget to use a condiment say what the day is and maybe maybe recall dinner or was it lunch lunch lost that remember recall what you do what have you done what have you become have become so manageable fuck what's on the inside gets blown away from off the top before the ride is over what a cut remember before you forget to use a condiment say what the day is and maybe maybe recall dinner or was it lunch lunch lost that remember recall what you do what have you done what have you become have become so manageable.
Came across her and coming to my senses asked her no told her of the storage facility a building with windows that looked upon metal doors that rolled down to shoulders where hair hands once tangled into children so much more so much more articulate than me came across her and coming to my senses told her no asked her where she was coming from and she said, "Divorced."
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's a good thing."
Have become so manageable fuck what's on the inside gets blown away from off the top before the ride is over what a cut remember before you forget to use a condiment say what the day is and maybe maybe recall dinner or was it lunch lunch lost that remember recall what you do what have you done what have you become have become so manageable fuck what's on the inside gets blown away from off the top before the ride is over what a cut remember before you forget to use a condiment say what the day is and maybe maybe recall dinner or was it lunch lunch lost that remember recall what you do what have you done what have you become have become so manageable.
Came across her and coming to my senses asked her no told her of the storage facility a building with windows that looked upon metal doors that rolled down to shoulders where hair hands once tangled into children so much more so much more articulate than me came across her and coming to my senses told her no asked her where she was coming from and she said, "Divorced."
"And that's a good thing?"
"No, the asshole had to make it such a prolonged nightmare of unending torture."
Pulling on the tag ripping another tear in the back of the shirt stop there's a tag and its directions can't read them must read them stop there's a tag lost hold of it and its directions can't read them can't make them out making out there was that tree against it against her why why did things end up against her not this this voice this is a voice the sound tapping on the glass reflecting that tree there was that tree against it against her why why did things end up against her not this this voice pulling on the tag ripping another tear in the back of the shirt stop there's a tag and its directions can't read them must read them stop there's a tag lost hold of it and its directions can't read them can't make them out making out there was that tree against it against her why why did things end up against her?
- Max Stoltenberg
Shouted at
Show it
From behind a dark table
Vodka with testicles
Cutting board unwashed
Pulling the drapery
across the trash can
opening coughing up
it's up for grabs
so they say
from behind the dark table
show it
shouted at
dislodged eye of a cat
cracked electrical outlet
flip the switch and everything
is submerged beneath the demands
shouted at
show it
from behind the dark table
vodka with testicles
cutting board unwashed
shaded grass under a bench
striped with harsh chuckling
flip the switch and everything
is submerged beneath the demands
bush caulked by fucking smirks
Pulling the drapery
across the trash can
opening coughing up
it's up for grabs
so they say
obsequious candlelight
collapses beneath scummy nostrils
it's up for grabs
so they say
- Max Stoltenberg
Gave gave it gave it a gave it a label gave it a sticker for acting as if it needs no further wondering wondering what wondering what that wondering wondering wondering what wondering what that wondering what that crap is hanging out of that wooden pole stretched across the fallen tree spread over a dark red dress crumpled over broken pale legs drizzled over sand and splinters. Don't try to lift him don't try to take him in your arms and after especially after what you did he won't let go of it while he wants very much for you to let go of him don't try to lift him don't try to take him in your arms just a hint given a hint of the planet disappearing from beneath what has been determined as flat the tone of the voice just a hint given a hint of the planet disappearing from beneath a flat tone of voice keep it down remember that's all you will ever remember is to keep it down don't try to lift him don't try to take him in your arms and after especially after what you did he won't let go of it while he wants very much for you to let go of him don't try to lift him don't try to take him in your arms just a hint given a hint of the planet disappearing from what has been determined as flat your feet your feet are flat an air of speech an air of pressure an air of pressured speech presses its offensive on the air dead air not not good not good enough to be dead on arrival had to arrive had to show up flat squeezed out between the east and the west that meet on the bridge of the nose attempting to close over flat feet just a hint given a hint of the planet disappearing from under flat feet just a hint given a hint gave gave it gave it a gave it a label gave it a sticker for acting as if it needs no further wondering wondering what wondering what that wondering wondering wondering what wondering what that wondering what that crap is hanging out.
A smaller pond.
Where?
A smaller pond. You need a smaller pond.
A smaller pond. You need a vehicle to get to a smaller pond.
A smaller pond is what I'm talking about.
A vehicle is what I'm talking about. One of my feet hurt. I'd walk on to see which it is but I don't want to leave you behind or maybe I do. I had worked on a speech for when we part company or company parts us. Or it was an anecdote I found myself in the desert with some animal droppings.
You found the anecdote by yourself in the desert?
I find myself in the desert with some animal droppings.
It takes all kinds of droppings to find oneself.
I don't think I could identify whose droppings they were. There were seeds in the dung probably narrative seeds. Its when it comes to mind not unlike the time that fellow passing through on his way to some auction or execution was it when it comes to mind that his horse he came in on decides to take a dump. Hard to concentrate on narrative seeds when you can't get the stench out of the anecdote.
Did you eventually find out?
Did I eventually find out what?
Did you eventually find out which foot hurt?
That's right. I did make mention of my feet. Funny how only a few sentences back can get themselves buried in the dark of the closet until someone presses on the clutter. What a noise it makes not unlike the rattle of a skeleton. Have you ever played the xylophone?
I think you mean the marimba.
I thought that's where people kept their boats parked.
That's a marina.
Marina? Marina. I once knew a woman named Marina. And no she did not have a lot of others dock their boats around her. Although I've always wondered why she never made our relationship a priority.
Probably a professional.
She did work in advertising. People were always mistaking her for someone else. Their need to be in the proximity of significance.
Is that what pulled you in?
No. I ruled that out from the beginning. Just didn't expect the end to follow so quickly.
I'm sorry.
Oh, that's all right. Didn't expect another beginning to follow the end so quickly after that.
Another beginning?
Rather on and off.
Not unlike a fluorescent tube blinking.
That's precisely what was in my mind.
You don't say. Quite a phenomenon when metaphors are shared.
I was being literal. My brain blinks on and off.
As in the cinema?
Except it's in my skull. I've spent most of my life in the dark.
Just what I thought.
No, that's just what I thought.
No, I mean I thought that looked like a store off in the distance and now that we've gotten closer it's obvious it has been burned to a crisp.
You need to work on your expectations.
There's an idea. I could imagine a crater next time.
I wasn't suggesting in terms of destruction.
Does it matter? It is not unlike a broken volume dial that you keep turning and turning failing to change how you're receiving things. And and that wasn't her name at all. It wasn't Marina.
What was she called?
What was she called? She wasn't a name. She was a phenomenon. More a part of nature than I would ever be. I have an anecdote where we took the car to the sea . . .
To the sea?
To the seafood stand. However . . .
However?
However, I think we took the car, but it might have been after the car.
After the car?
And the brick wall. So I think we took the train.
The train?
The bus.
You took the bus instead of the train.
Took the train to the bus to the seafood stand.
Picked up yourself some lobster?
Crab. It would have been crab but this was after the seafood stand fell off the bridge. Not just post-brick wall. Remember.
Remember?
Remember that's all you will ever remember is to keep it down don't try to lift him don't try to take him in your arms and after especially after what you did he won't let go of it while he wants very much for you to let go of him don't try to lift him don't try to take him in your arms just a hint given a hint of the planet disappearing from what has been determined as flat your feet your feet are flat an air of speech an air of pressure an air of pressured speech presses its offensive on the air dead air not not good not good enough to be dead on arrival had to arrive had to show up flat squeezed out between the east and the west that meet on the bridge.
On the bridge?
Of the nose. Somewhat nasal that speech. It was a speech after all and not an anecdote.
Was it anecdotal in any way?
Quite an audience.
Animate or inanimate?
Inanimate. I complained about the ironies of their design features and begrudged them their not having a stake in the outcome.
A smaller pond.
Where?
A smaller pond. You need a smaller pond.
When?
Thought it would be sooner rather than later what with there being less.
Why?
A smaller pond. You need a smaller pond.
Remember that's all you will ever remember is to keep it down don't try to lift him don't try to take him in your arms and after especially after what you did he won't let go of it while he wants very much for you to let go of him don't try to lift him don't try to take him in your arms just a hint given a hint of the planet disappearing from what has been determined as flat your feet your feet are flat an air of speech an air of pressure an air of pressured speech presses its offensive on the air dead air not not good not good enough to be dead on arrival had to arrive had to show up flat squeezed out between the east and the west that meet on the bridge
of the nose.
- Max Stoltenberg
She isn't looking at the eyes that have been looking for her for her eyes her eyes are colored in her gaze is off somewhere else she isn't looking she isn't seeing what is what is it that was being done on the sly for whose attention whose mistreatment of the details that brought a couple of stories together by a cold rusty metal railing between the sea left to evaporate in neglect and hair that is scribbled on the wind where she isn't looking at the eyes that have been looking for her eyes for her colored in eyes to color outside the lines do not cross any eyes do not cross any lines leaving it to scratch along in the dirt cut into the Earth a coloring book used up and hidden in a stack of unwanted material. She isn't looking at the eyes that have been looking for her eyes her colored in eyes to color outside the lines do not cross any eyes do not cross any lines leaving it to scratch along alone in the dirt cutting a bloodless wound into the Earth a coloring book used up and hidden in a stack of unwanted material where is she looking she isn't looking where she is where she isn't looking where is the alarm that keeps going off over by the lamp off somewhere else she isn't looking she isn't seeing what is what is it that was being done on the sly for whose attention whose mistreatment of the details that brought a couple of stories together by a cold rusty metal railing between the sea left to evaporate in neglect and hair that is scribbled on the wind where she isn't looking.
Zoffsky watched the long line of people standing in the tunnel as another fluorescent tube began to blink off and on and off and on and off and on and off.
And on and off.
Schlemazel tapped Zoffsky on the shoulder.
And on and off.
Schlemazel tapped Zoffsky on the shoulder again.
Zoffsky looked up at the ceiling and noticed the blinking fluorescent tube. "What is with this light now?" he asked in annoyance.
"Probably not screwed in properly," suggested Schlemazel.
"I do concur," answered Zoffsky.
"You do, huh? I was talking about your head," muttered Schlemazel.
"My what?"
"Your head you vestigial limb. It's probably not screwed in properly."
"Well, isn't that nice? I suppose I can count you among one of my well-wishers."
"Not even that many."
"Draw a line through your name must I?"
"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"You respond to a blinking light rather than my tapping."
"It's like that and stool softeners. They're my #2 priority."
"You think you have a leg to stand on?"
And on and off.
And on and off.
Schlemazel tapped Zoffsky on the shoulder again and said, "There. I'm tapping you again."
"Stop that."
"I will not."
"You will not?"
"I have to create an asymmetry."
"What do you mean an asymmetry?"
"An imbalance then. I'm trying to create an imbalance."
"What for?"
"If life is balance then it ends up cancelling me out."
"What about see-saws?"
"What about them?"
Zoffsky stands there quietly thinking and then looks up at the blinking light.
And on and off.
Schlemazel tapped Zoffsky on the shoulder again.
"What?" asked Zoffsky angrily as he scanned the line of people in the tunnel to locate in his mind the least attractive person.
And on and off.
"What do you make of that?" asked Schlemazel pointing at the line of people in the tunnel.
"Like rats leaving a sinking ship."
"But they're getting on."
"Then like rats getting on a sinking ship."
"How do you know it's a ship?"
"I don't. Do you have something in mind?"
"If we work with a choice A through D then which choice should we have it be?"
"Let's make it be choice B. I always liked the letter B as in blimp or bonehead."
"Blastula."
"Blimp blimp."
"This sounds conclusive. We'll make it choice B."
"Wait a moment. A. I really like the letter A as in ass stupid horse's ass."
"Yes, I like that, too. Horse's ass."
"So what answer is choice A?"
"I don't will be choice A. Now what do we want to be choice B? I would like to go with lemon for choice B or erect mathematician."
"Erect mathematician? Where do you get that?"
"Choice B. Now what do you want to make choice C?"
"All of the above is very large in my brain."
"All of the above?"
"Hang myself for choice C. Yeah, hang myself."
"Hang myself?"
"Shoot myself."
"Shoot myself?"
"Hang myself. Pick what you want for choice D."
"I tend to lean towards none of the above."
"What was the question?"
"When I was in school and finally and I don't mean finally maneuvered to where I could start focusing on what I wanted to do for a living the teacher asked what got in the way of imagination and creativity. I jumped up and answered clearly vague generalities. He responded with a big smirk on his face and said that's exactly right. I felt as if I was with something finally and I don't mean finally. Then he asked us to give form to this thing for an exercise and I went blank like someone leaving an empty box in the pantry. I looked around at the other students to see if anyone else was struggling like me and kept going back and forth between that and trying to think of how to give form to this thing. There were one or two ideas but they were ripped into pieces before I could pull them up or out. I didn't want to be selected as others were chosen or chose to go with their ideas. And then there was no one left to go. I heard the teacher call my name. I looked at the teacher's shoes and felt my words coil around them as the shreds of ideas coiled around my own feet and the awkwardness was pulling me back down among the rubble so all I could do was sit down in the tatters and smell of my own failure. The teacher paused and commented, Thank you for that example of vague generalities. I feebly joked by saying, That's all I've got. And the teacher retorted, I'm fairly certain of that."
"Where do you think the line ends?"
"Right about there."
"That's where it looks like it begins."
And on and off.
And on and off.
She isn't looking at the eyes that have been looking for her for her eyes her eyes are colored in her gaze is off somewhere else she isn't looking she isn't seeing what is what is it that was being done on the sly for whose attention whose mistreatment of the details that brought a couple of stories together by a cold rusty metal railing between the sea left to evaporate in neglect and hair that is scribbled on the wind where she isn't looking at the eyes that have been looking for her eyes for her colored in eyes to color outside the lines do not cross any eyes do not cross any lines leaving it to scratch along in the dirt cut into the Earth a coloring book used up and hidden in a stack of unwanted material. She isn't looking.
- Max Stoltenberg
