Monday, April 1, 2013

MEAGER PROPENSITIES

The hand hovered around the door-handle the hand hovered around again was that sound like a dark machine circling the house or a group of people or someone at the wheel of a large truck power-washed with their shit they only gave for that specific purpose don't crash into a home without it back lower gums hurting like that time when they did what they did under artificial light where no one seemed to be able to see a thing rows and rows of others rows and rows  of rooms rows and rows of halls linked together by separation threaded together by clothes that needed to listen to the time when the ass said it was time to go when stomaching things ached to the sound of a father's temper tempered to that sound around again was that sound like a dark machine circling the house or a group of people or someone at the wheel.

The hand hovered around the door-handle hovered around the door-handle off for another dig but this is about hovering is it not is it hovering in air in atmosphere this biosphere with masses floating hovering in it just standing sitting there hovering here this biosphere wrapped in a bag of flesh what's coming out now? won't come out maybe take a peek scratching the glass of the outside inside a larger sack of space a container hovering inside the outside of the inside of another bigger box folded in on itself for recycling used for recycling as the edges wilt and droop from the stains of connection with other things that hover just standing sitting there hovering here off for another dig but this but this is about about what was it is it it is it was what was what was it hovering away below hovering in dirt buried not to rest buried to hover in the cemetery's grease traps.

The hand hovered around the door-handle around the door-handle hovered the hand the hand that obscured the gap between the two wooden boards in the fence slanting slightly away from each other warped versions of their former connection or alongsidedness now they imposed on the next pair of outer wooden boards seeking confirmation of their positions rubbing splinters together for let us we must rub splinters together as the hand obscures the gap between the two wooden boards in the fence slanting slightly away from each other warped versions of their former connection or alongsidedness now they imposed on the next pair of outer wooden boards seeking confirmation of their positions rubbing splinters together for let us we must rub splinters together as the hand obscures the gap between the two wooden boards.

"We don't have much further to go."
"We have much further to go."
"We don't?  I mean we do?"
"We have much further to go."
"And why is that?"
"It is to be a drag."
"Is that to be the theme?"
"Themes?  We're all out of them.  The damned thing is just going to drag on I tell you."
"The problem is I believe you."
"What have I told you about that?"
"I need to stop a moment."
"Try all you like.  You can't stop moments."
"Enough of your pseudo-philosophy, I'm getting another one of those draining experiences."
"I've seen this before.  What do they call it?  There's a name for this.  It's referred to as you don't want to deal with anything because you are a pathetic excuse for an inadequacy."
"Yes.  That pretty much sums it up.  In a nutshell.  In an eggshell more like.  Careful how you move through space there."
"So this is you.  Tired of the signs following their admonitions and restrictions.  Tired of tearing them down and staring at the blank wall behind them.  Got your expectations up for open spaces.  Demolition makes room for more crowding.  This is how you want to be memorialized as a sign."
"I only want to rest maybe sleep and while you're talking about memorializing I'm open to that too."
"You know you won't be able to sleep.  You have the most difficult time of it and I don't see how you could even imagine to on this sand."
"Is that what you call this?"
"Why?  How would you describe it?"
"I don't know.  Throw up some adjectives and I'll see if I feel like rolling around in it."
"Let me take a swat at it.  How about sandy?"
"That name's not ringing any bells."

Eraser rubbings covered the angrily trammeled correspondence no getting in the last word this time it would just come back no longer at this address at this address there would no longer be a coming back no longer at this address two addresses remaining where they were empty until replaced by more words struggling to correspond to something to say under eraser rubbings covered the angrily trammeled correspondence no getting in the last word this time it would just come back no longer at this address at this address there would no longer be a coming back no longer at this address two addresses remaining where they were empty until replaced by more words struggling to correspond to something to say something to say

"What was that?"
"An interruption I think."
"No, what you said."
"I didn't have a chance to respond I was interrupted."
"There you go again.  You and your interruptions."
"If you could be a sign what would you say?"
"This property condemned."
"And I would probably -"
"What are you doing?"
"I was going to share what my sign would say."
"Did I ask you?"
"Well, no."
"And there you have it."
"And that's it then?"
"Perhaps if you ask me what I have planned for tomorrow I might ask you to tell me what you have planned for tomorrow."
"There's no need for me to ask that because we both have the same plan."
"And which plan do you think we both have?"
"Isn't it the one having to do with hastening our deaths?"
"Well, yes, there is that one, but it's been put on the back burner due to poor luck."
"And how would you define poor luck?"
"I don't know lack of materials and no proximity to precarious geological locales."
"What precarious geological locales?"
"You know - like an abyss?"
"An abyss?"
"To fall into?"
"I think we're already at the bottom of one."
"That could explain why we're having so much trouble agreeing on textures and how to describe them."
"Maybe if we find our way out of this abyss we could fall back into it and have done with it finally."
"Why would we do that?"
"You know hasten the hastening."
"How would we do that?"
"Reverse engineering I guess."
"Oh no not that.  They wouldn't be wanting us doing that.  Now get on with your guessing."
"Was it no more eye contact?"
"I was referring to the list of adjectives."
"Crumpled."
"If you had asked me about my plans I would have been taken back to never having washed my car for an image for itchy dried out eyes."
"Crumpled plastic used to occupy my time when I was young.  I would crumple it up so I could watch it expand and grow and it looked like it was alive.  Did you ever do that?  What's something you liked to do when you were young?"
"Young?  So long ago it's as if I've never been young.  In fact, I've never had a car.  That explains why I never got around to washing it."
"Watching that plastic open up moving on its own until I remembered I was making it happen.  Make it happen.  The more I made it happen the more I noticed how dead things really were."
"How long has it been since I've worn clean clothes?  If you had asked me about my plans I would have been taken back to leaning over an old washing machine tugging on wet tangled towels mixed in with the clothes and I can't see her purple blouse all I see is the towels that I know were in there because they had been shit on by our dying dog just before we put her down and I can't see the dog I know the towels smelled of her and it's gone washed out I just leaned in tightened my grip on the towels wanted to leave them wet but its gone washed out."
"I think our plan was to get back to town and see if anything has changed."
"I told you we shouldn't have left."
"You were the one who made that speech about if we stayed it would be as if we were sitting looking at the clock slowing down the hands and how it would be better if we went away and came back."
"I didn't think I was that persuasive."
"Persuasive?  Coercive you mean."
"You didn't have to listen to me."
"Well, I did.  We'll just make a U-turn when the time comes, is what you said."
"I said that?"
"Yes, you did."
"When it all starts looking the same over and over it's hard to know where to make a U-turn."

The hand hovered around the door-handle the hand hovered around again was that sound like a dark machine circling the house or a group of people or someone at the wheel of a large truck power-washed with their shit they only gave for that specific purpose don't crash into a home without it back lower gums hurting like that time when they did what they did under artificial light where no one seemed to be able to see a thing rows and rows of others rows and rows  of rooms rows and rows of halls linked together by separation threaded together by clothes that needed to listen to the time when the ass said it was time to go when stomaching things ached to the sound of a father's temper tempered to that sound around again was that sound like a dark machine circling the house or a group of people or someone at the wheel.


- Max Stoltenberg




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