Loading please wait loading a log of shit please wait logging a tremendous load of bullshit please wait or fuck the please just wait or don't be on your way don't need me to say it or anyone else or maybe that certain someone that certain high school face and it was never the same handling anything after that dropping something would never be a small matter just a glass bowl full of the reddest bloodiest fakest bloodiest fruit punch crashing to Earth and staining your spotlight in front of the group splitting and resplitting into thousands and millions and billions so rapidly your heart not yours for sleep in a lost peace as the pillow tears at your eye closed but like a garage door being forced open to waking moments of insomniac frustrations and deadlines and people who you are being convinced by yourself you are supposed to rip your brain in half to give a fuck about while they make up their minds glued together with deflections and rhetoric whipped on a rowing machine into shapes and sizes of thumbnails that make your eyes gloppy with mucus of isolation and just a side note behind the very turned banana peel licked by the cat a stain of something it finds reminiscent of the edible once found in the cuts made in the rotting land between locations for passing out after talking each other out of doing much else things taken off of other things or put next to something reminding someone of a boxed existence or part of one.
"Mention his name go ahead I dare you."
"Yeah, go ahead I fucking dare you to and see what heap of gnarled shit-storm will come raining down on you."
"I don't think I could."
"You see you've probably filled your pants with a load of excrement in anticipation of the wrath of our own torment or maybe who knows maybe you might get lucky and be spared losing only one limb."
"No, I mean I think you're referring to her the woman who liked to wear all black well I don't want to assume she liked to wear or liked much of anything I think your feigned optimism struggled in all its strident echo chamber of hollow motivation in the face of her pushing back I don't want to read too much into it it might have just come naturally to her for all I know and that has always been a failing venture on the downside of vague too forlorn to be able to focus and keep my place when reading others I tend to find myself out in the hallway hit in the seat of my soiled pants by the impatience of those behind me in line at the checkout."
"You said her name once I think you got it wrong. It doesn't surprise me with your way or lack thereof."
"One thing I do recall is that book I lent you because you were obsessed with making small talk more microscopic and when asked for it back several months later you smirked and made some pun of the book's title and walked away. You shrugged and walked away."
"You keep insisting I did that."
"I don't insist. I bring it up whenever the noise dies down for a brief moment every few years or so. Not a frequent event. It could also be when I come across something like a lighter with not enough fluid to get past the spark."
Delving into nuisances
Bending back to the window
Heading for the disagreeable
U-turns into silence
Changing one's stale mind
Thoughts unbrushed with paste
She knew holding
the last time one could
or tear into muster
bellowing in a house
to bring one to a barren keyhole
- Max Stoltenberg