DOWN THE AISLE

Where to stand so they'll find the clothes not in clothes or the clothing over by the can't make up and of course not in make up or the cosmetics wish they had a making up place for making up fat chance for that and certainly not in the plus sizes or maybe that is where these clothes should go where they should could go with those clothes over there or around the other side if there were more on the other side the other side of this side nothing what are they hanging there stuffed in there neatly different than was expected than what was expected what was expected?  That was the what color was it red or yellow yellow think it was to note make a note of make up not over there making this up that's it making it up not with anyone just for reasons to be kept on this side not the other side which side are they on not here yet here yet they side with which side is this on that side that on this side siding used to like to walk around just outside just past that duct and smell the drying clothes inside the warmth and the smoke off the cigar that mouth that mouth tightening just outside along that siding a pale green just outside as the just inside tightening that mouth tightening smoke thickening fading.


Fading away shelved in the ground in a wall shelves of storage containers blue lids black nails no moon in the sky under the rafters up high somewhere stiff neck wants to find where the moon would it be out outside just outside stiff neck rubbing with dirty hands black nails no moon in the sky under the rafters up high somewhere somewhere misty with water sprinklers the fountain's still broken no one coming to fix it no one coming when will they where to stand so they'll find the clothes not clean enough bath and body works itself out in the end fading away shelved in the ground in a wall shelves of storage containers blue lids black nails no moon in the sky under the rafters up high somewhere just a balloon that says can't see what it says as it's turning around turning away one letter at a time can't see anything beyond the horizon of that big balloon far up there beyond its horizon.


Decoding debugging trying not to be a bother to anyone noticing these clothes standing where to stand so they will not be bothered decoding the coordinates where to stand a decoder with the little red window had that until the window fell out and landed in the water his big voice booming on the dock why couldn't you listen and be more careful? As careful as when one of the only remaining undeleted movements whether bowel or symphony (the juridical is reserved for hardcovers and flaccid minds) the backroom was abandoned to its staff microwave choking on another neglected meal the victim of an extra errant zero overcooking it into the unrecognizable where food, plastic, and cardboard are blobbed into the monstrous visual noise of one unitive integral holistic eclectic mess.  Denial is surpassed by absence.  Getting the hell out of places never deprived one of suffering.  It seemed to follow along somewhere in the baggage even when it was unpacked and dissolved it would linger as yet another layer of life the gummy adhesive of relation connection some contact yet to fade never quite fading away.


Decoding debugging turning pages to where among the titles and subtitles texts and subtexts the top of one led to the bottom of another:


The mail that had arrived on that day had arrived on that day later than on the day before that and on that day before that, it had arrived later than on the day before that and on that day before the day before that it had arrived later than on the day before that that he started to become aware of a pattern in how his name appeared on every piece of mail that had arrived on that day had arrived later on that day than on the day before that and on that day before that, it had arrived later than on the day before that and on that day before the day before that it had arrived later than on the day before that that he started to become aware of a pattern in how his name appeared on every piece of mail that had arrived on that day had arrived later on that day than on the day before that and with one less letter in his last name than on the day before that had on that day had one less letter in his last name than on the day before that and on that day that was the day before the day before that had had one less letter in his last name than on the day before that.  The woman who flossed her teeth on the bus opposite him the following morning gaped at him as she tugged the string back and forth between two lower teeth all the while he firmly pressed an index finger to his lips holding in all the things he felt no longer needed to be said.  The woman who flossed her teeth on the bus opposite him gaped at him as if witnessing unkempt digits grip a substantial dried chunk out of his nostril the day before the morning that followed had brought little disgust in comparison.  As the woman tugged the string back and forth between two lower teeth next to the two lower teeth that had surrendered a tiny yellow fragment of scrambled egg all the while he firmly pressed an index finger to his lips holding in all the things he felt no longer needed to be said all the while tightening on the inside just inside.


Fading away shelved in the ground in a wall shelves of storage containers blue lids black nails no moon in the sky under the rafters up high somewhere stiff neck wants to find where the moon would it be out outside just outside stiff neck rubbing with dirty hands black nails no moon in the sky under the rafters up high somewhere somewhere misty with water sprinklers the fountain's still broken no one coming to fix it no one coming while still thinking of water everywhere water bodies cleaner than these clothes not in the clothes or clothing where to stand where they'll notice the clothes need to be clean enough water still thinking of water everywhere there is water it is never still always rippling and tides of churning destructive waves booming with the voice so careful now so unheard now index finger firmly pressed to lips holding in all the things that no longer needed to be said.




- Max Stoltenberg