Friday, September 27, 2013


Pressed the button and nothing happened the door did not open of course it did not open since it remained closed nothing happened after the button was pressed.  Wait a couple of moments more than a couple of moments shipped in smaller dimensions the packaging is made so thin and what they use as stuffing to protect to buffer doesn't help much to limit the damage the shapes that's how things are shaping up into all kinds of geometrical patterns that fit crowd to fit into the cluttered disappointment of backyards where there are the frequent exposed views of a flash in the pan.  Trying to ignore the stiffness in the neck as it makes its adjustments re-calibrations at another awkward angle to catch a glimpse into the window of someone sitting to look at a computer screen a blank computer screen.  A face injected with emptiness stares at the expressionless monitor tapping keys vehemently on the keyboard perhaps after silently measuring out machine sliced moments and what could they possibly consist of for the one who measured and struggle to feel the bits crumbling up shaping up dissolving into tinier tinier bits evaporating into the most insignificant particles between the walls of their fingerprints.  Somehow the button was pushed and there was an opening but not of a door more like a stopper and whatever got one to this point drained out from the upper to the lower and out through the feet somewhere in the feet the heel maybe the heel that's what it feels like drained so low can't tell anymore.

Walk take a walk
Into the desert

What are you doing?  Working.  Working on what?  Working on instructions.  Instructions for what?  Directions not instructions.  Directions to where?  Not directions as in getting to a location.  Then it would be instructions.  They can be directions as in taking medication.  What medications are we talking about?  It has nothing to do with medications.  Are these medications anti-psychotic medications?  The instructions directions are for folding chairs.  Are these anti-psychotic medications for really fucked up people?  And it's not what you think and you might think it's about the difficulties involved in unfolding the chairs.  You want to call it what you want to call it in terms of the problem the real problem being that it's about people having a problem with having a problem is that it? Or is it that it's about people having a problem with people having a problem with having a problem is that it?  You might have thought that's what I was going to continue to think and not update my thinking about what you were thinking and you could possibly possibly probably definitely maybe be thinking that the real actual forgot to wipe dilemma is a lack of appreciation of the complexity of keeping the folding chair open and preventing it from collapsing when all along it's an issue of closing the folding chair the teleological folding if you will because it's not about having something cheap to sit on but to be able to store many chairs against a wall that happens to be available and carrying 2 or 3 at a time and calculate the appropriate angle to stand them without the sliding down out of position into a humiliating clamor.  Who has the problem now?  Me?  You?  That fly you and I have been swatting at unsuccessfully?  Was it me who let it in?  Was it you?  Was it someone else and how did they get in here without our knowledge to let the fly in?  Is it your assumptions that are the problem?  Maybe maybe not or maybe it is you are your assumptions and you as a person wishing at your foul well full of bio-hazard putting all your ostrich eggs in one baby carriage looking to the day that never arrives where we can be normal when it's that we are normal and that's the problem.

Walk walk with me
Into the dunes
Into the next wave of emptiness
and wonder 
and wonder why
we've been plagued with strength
that endures for nothing

What are you doing?  Medicating.  For anxiety?  Not medicating.  What do you call it when you've given up on all the massaging and the stroking because not a thing is coming off the way you want it?  Masturbation?  I said given up.  That would be called giving up.  And that's it is it?  Just as clear as that?  The thing is giving up is so muddy in its conception in its execution that's exactly what you step down into when you step out step off and leave and move on to something else and the next step is into the mud stuck in the clarity of the uncertainty and the only certainty is that if you change your mind you are changing it to go back on your resolve and having had enough so you can go back to that step up to just above not having anything but uncertainty.  Are you sure about that?  About what?  About uncertainty?  No, are you sure you're not taking anything for your anxiety especially about the shitty electrical work you did for the store downtown that sells nothing but beer steins?  I'm not an electrician you flat diet soda.  That explains the shitty electrical work.  If you want to talk about insisting on things being the case, I once worked with this asshole actually I worked with him twice I don't know how that happened I just know that for some absurd reason periods of my life get episodes re-ordered because of their popularity for amusing others and I end up repeating the same crap and playing the same sidekick again but can't seem to disconnect from the approval numbers.  Anyway, this guy I worked with had the thickest darkest eyebrows I've ever seen and they were shaped by his ire from within and the hot wind from outside that swirled around us and between us and among us and it was as if his unwieldy mess of human fur string and eyebrow cabling was deliberately arranged into a display that advertised like a haughty awning above a foreboding kitchen below to enter it despite its disgusting appearance and reprehensible history.

Walk walk off
Let me walk you off
Let me let you walk me off
into the dry space
gutted for homes to be nailed
to the corroded scalp of the world
Remove me 
Drag me off
Use my body as an eraser 
to rub out my name
to delete my birth my afterbirth
to obliterate my age 
that stretches on

- Max Stoltenberg

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