DEFLATING MIND

Resulting resulting then in being blocked up.  There would be no gaps.  If there was anything to be discovered there would be nothing to discover in terms of gaps.  This and itself were torn away onto the street where another empty bottle was run over by a tire pressed down by what hung between the remaining half of a devastated family droning along in their worn down van and the crushing of plastic underneath.  Was was that it it is in terms of that it was not that it is but was it with the nostrils crusting up and thawing out again with the air and the breathing when is that going to get it over with know this know this what has been has been nothing but a has been has been a has been is that how it's been referred to these days?  know this know this what has been has been nothing but a has been has been a has been is that how it's been referred to these days? know know this know this what has been has been nothing but a has been has been a has been these days what has been has been referred to these days and that is how it has been what has been what a has been is this how it has always been?  has been what a has been has been still has been licking itself between the legs can't lick its age away the age that has pile upon pile piled up from age to age can't lick its age away from between the legs the tongue and the worn out van and the tongue worn out licking trying to reject anything out from within the reeking space from dying tooth to dying tooth spread further apart in the reeking space from dying tooth to dying tooth spread further apart from each other in the reeking space what has been has been nothing but a has been what a has been in this reeking space is that how it's been referred to these days?  

Crumpled plastic bottle in the street under the worn out van with the family inside half of them left inside half of them left outside somewhere under the dirt is that how it's been referred has been referred to these days?  These days what has been has been nothing but a has been what has been has been a has been what has been has been tried has been tried out what has been has been tried out in the air closing its filthy mouth into a rotting edge between the dust and the clouds dust clouds smirking along grinding feet to a halt nothing gained by it nothing has been gained by it nothing but a has been has been a has been has been referred to these days the same referrals same these days same lines these same days pile upon pile piled up from age to age can't lick its age away from between the legs the tongue and the worn out van and the tongue worn out licking trying to reject anything out from within the reeking space from dying tooth to dying tooth spread further apart in the reeking space from dying tooth to dying tooth spread further apart from each other in the reeking space what has been has been nothing but a has been what a has been in this reeking space is that how it's been referred to these days? same these days the same referrals same lines rotting edge between the dust and the clouds dust clouds smirking along grinding feet to a halt nothing gained by it nothing has been gained by it nothing but a has been has been a has been nothing but a has been.

"They're running down."

These days these eyes and their contents bamboozled by the knobs and the switches and the plugs and the read out reading one's way on and out out the fucking door down the fucking hall to the next door dead door no lock no key not even a handle just part of the building and the hall that leads to it away from it back and forth to it and there it comes again the eyes and the throat it's the two of them that have been so involved with each other most knew about it could see it hear and ask about them talk about them and their running down these days these eyes and their contents bamboozled by the knobs and the switches and the plugs and the read out reading one's way on and out out the fucking the fucking reading one's way on and out that too was on its way and out.  

They're running down.

These days these eyes and their contents leaving their date stamp stamping their date of birth running down the front as its makeup running down these days these eyes and their contents leaving their date stamp stamping their date of birth running down the front as its makeup running down these days these eyes and their contents tried it out on the thin ones sitting at the park table while turning the corner around the brick bathroom with the large strange bugs on the concrete floor might not have been bugs might have just been the thin ones and the not so thin ones and their waste missing the holes in the floor in the ground holes in the world keep missing those and stay out and about where the holes underneath send their cracks out too painstakingly sent out across the paved sluggish monotone cemetery shopping motors blocked.

Resulting resulting then in being blocked up.  Going to rub again until the redness which has been nothing but a has been what has been has been a has been and has been on the mind running down they're running down letting down their knotted strands of wanting wanting to get together with  another broken body and replace this one after the other one replaces this one after this one has been nothing but a has been what has been has been a has been and has been on the mind running down they're running down letting down their knotted strands of wanting wanting to turn off and turn over toward the edge on the other side of the edge between the dust and the clouds dust clouds smirking along grinding feet to a halt nothing gained by it nothing has been gained by it nothing but a has been has been a has been has been referred to these days the same referrals same these days same lines these same days pile upon pile piled up from age to age can't lick its age away from between the legs the tongue and the worn out van and the tongue worn out licking trying to reject anything out from within the reeking space from dying tooth to dying tooth spread further apart in the reeking space from dying tooth to dying tooth spread further apart from each other in the reeking space what has been has been nothing but a has been what a has been in this reeking space is that how it's been referred to these days? same these days the same referrals same lines rotting edge between the dust and the clouds dust clouds smirking along grinding feet to a halt nothing gained by it nothing has been gained by it nothing but a has been has been a has been nothing but a has been.

They're running down.

They're running down frozen into position for running down corners turned or drilled into with fingers running down frozen into position for running down corner turned or drilled into with fingers running down frozen sides sides frozen into each other's appearance keeping up appearances that have been running down letting down their knotted strands with her remission letting down the extra attachments of her illness caught from attachments forced open she was so open so often forced open by the holes underneath send their cracks out too painstakingly sent out across the paved sluggish monotone cemetery shopping motors blocked up  resulting resulting then in being blocked up blocked up with results results pouring out running down smoking out into the air smoking out the deserters and turning them around for the long turnaround around corners of brick bathrooms in the hot days these days these hot days these hot mess days blinking between a boy and an old congested man.  She held her eyes open couldn't measure a moment doesn't count doesn't doesn't count then with the rest of the results resulting resulting then in being blocked up.  That's how it's been referred to these days.  That's how it's been painted these days these hot days these hot mess days all the time couldn't measure a moment doesn't count all the while still smoking out the deserters all the while deserting the smoked out these hot mess day these days these eyes and their contents bamboozled by the knobs and the switches and the plugs and the read out reading one's way on and out out the fucking door down the fucking hall to the next door dead door no lock no key not even a handle just part of the building and the hall that leads to it away from it back and forth to it and there it comes again the eyes and the throat it's the two of them that have been so involved with each other most knew about it could see it hear and ask about them talk about them and their running down these days these eyes and their contents bamboozled by the knobs and the switches and the plugs and the read out reading one's way on and out out the fucking the fucking reading one's way on and out that too was on its way and out.

She returned around the corner the corner of the brick bathroom eyes open gagging on a pathetic washing down of the pathetic blinking between a boy and an old congested man.  Why did she turn off the coffee pot halfway done?  A habit that emerged along with her head as it fell out of her mother's lips choking out the ash to the dust joining the first silhouette standing outside the door clicking lips licking buttons no drop-down options just a dropping down a letting down.  They're running down following in mother's grinding feet to a halt choking out the ash to the dust mother's tightened eyes.

They're running down.

They're running down her tightened eyes.

Running down melting makeup hard face rigid road difficult skin formidable unyielding words that prefaced that introduced that outlined along her body emerging as a habit along with her head as it fell out of her mother's lips choking out the ash to the dust joining the first silhouette standing outside the door clicking lips licking buttons no drop-down options just a dropping down a letting down.  They're running down following in mother's grinding feet to a halt choking out the ash to the dust mother's tightened eyes.  

They're running down her tightened eyes.  

Running down melting makeup hard face rigid road difficult skin formidable unyielding words hardened until they are caught running down her tightened eyes blinking between a boy and an old congested man can't make up a deflating mind smoking out from the upper floors with darker stories can't make up a deflating mind filled with silhouettes smoking out the deserters choking out the ash to the dust where the wanting dries and cracks from hole to hole along the paved sluggish monotone cemetery shopping motors blocked up resulting resulting then in being blocked up. Going to rub again until the redness which has been nothing but a has been what has been has been a has been and has been on the mind running down they're running down letting down their knotted strands of wanting wanting to turn off to deflate wanting words to deflate to make some sound as they deflate pinching lips to pierce silhouettes standing in the doorway wanting words to make some sound stretched into a scream spread into grunts want to tell about the boy or the old man can't make up this deflating mind deflating they're running down along with the boy to the old man and what what she said about the old man and what she said about what the old man said about the boy said about her about her the boy to the old man about her what she said about the old man said about the boy said about the old man said about the boy and what it was about the old man said when he was a boy and what he said he should have said to his old man about what he thought about his old man saying what he thought someone thought he should say to someone he thought was responsible for the line that had been so long had been so slow for the line he had been sent on might have been sent might not have been sent might have been sent to the thin ones or the not so thin ones might have just been the thin ones and the not so thin ones and their waste missing the holes in the floor in the ground holes in the world keep missing those and stay out and about where the holes underneath send their cracks out too painstakingly sent out across the paved sluggish monotone cemetery shopping motors blocked.

Going to rub again until the redness which has been nothing but a has been what has been has been a has been and has been on the mind running down they're running down letting down their knotted strands of wanting wanting to turn off to deflate wanting words to deflate to make some sound as they deflate pinching lips to pierce silhouettes standing in the doorway wanting words to make some sound stretched into a scream spread into grunts want to tell about the boy or the old man can't make up this deflating mind deflating they're running down along with the boy to the old man and what what she said about the old man and what she said about what the old man said about the boy said about her about her mother and her tightened eyes that missed her and where she dropped down dropping down letting down their knotted strands of wanting wanting to turn off to deflate wanting words to deflate.


- Max Stoltenberg

BEHIND THE WHATEVER

Tastes reprehensible smells corrupt looks duplicitous sounds inauthentic feels perfunctory and numb.  Straw tightened around a finger blood smashing its color against the windows of the skin.  Can't seem to find the tall yellow wooden pencil with the notches to measure the things that started to grow and died or were they or were or did they get away?  Used for a cane now for getting about in loops to make some return for getting about in loops to make some return some. 

Heard voices outside.

Or were they inside?  

Both are the subject of disinterest as the subject object are somewhere under that soggy filter with the coffee grounds in the kitchen garbage can.  Grounds for dismissal.

Who said that?

Have do not have have forgotten their name.

Deliberately.  

You think you know something.  Did we say you?  Has we come back through the front door up through the drain backed up with egg shells thought those were in the trash with the coffee grounds with the subject with the object playing some kind of game smacking hands together and saying things like they know things like they know something and they do by the way by the sill by the greasy sill by the noises outside.

The voices outside.

Or were they inside?

Playing some kind of game.  Some kind of variations on playing some kind of variations on some kind of game.  Some kind of masturbation on some kind of pitch on some kind of sales pitch.  Limited time only.  Limited variations only.  Some kind of dark pitch on some kind of dark used sales pitch some kind of re-used sales pitch feels perfunctory and numb.  Straw tightened around a finger blood smashing its color against the windows of the skin.  Can't seem to find the tall yellow wooden pencil with the notches to measure the things that started to grow and died or were they or were or did they get away?  Used for a cane now for getting about in loops to make some return for getting about in loops to make some return some.  Re-used for a cane now hobbling now for getting about in loops to make some return for getting about in loops to make some return some strained nirvana damage re-used for a cane now hobbling now for getting about in loops to make some return for getting about in loops to make some return some.

The voices inside.

Or were they outside?

Neither comes close too close they are always too close to the fucking expression that sounds so like that it fits like a body bag an amniotic fugue another expression tastes reprehensible smells corrupt looks duplicitous sounds inauthentic feels perfunctory and numb and that expression that sounds so like that it fits like a body bag an amniotic fugue another expression tastes reprehensible smells corrupt looks duplicitous sounds inauthentic feels perfunctory and numb and that expression that sounds so like that it fits like a numb fit tight numb fit fit for fit for bearing down being born down onto the concrete born down onto the dirt born down onto the sand born down onto the pool of urine born down onto the anthill born down onto the canal the birth canal passing all misunderstanding passed like a stone missed under standing water underwater water under the bridge bridging gaps with torn ligaments and expressions with no start with no end what happened to stories the last one is stuck in the metallic teeth of the shredder ready if it be told for the trash bag if it be told ready for the kitchen trash can.

Don't forget to floss the metallic teeth.

Kneel before the can the plastic can.

That expression that sounds so like that it fits like a numb fit tight numb fit fit for fit for bearing down being born down onto the concrete born down onto the dirt born down onto the sand born down onto the pool of urine born down onto the anthill born down onto the canal the birth canal passing all misunderstanding passed like a stone missed under standing water underwater water under the bridge coming up on the other side looking for them on the bridge where did they go?  they were there probably not for long didn't bother for long for the bother taken along with the relentless current heading for the birth canal keep riding the birth canal in this park of amusement someone's amused somewhere up there on the bridge don't see them up there where did they go?  some tower off in the distance moving away in the distance amused somewhere in the distance moving away keeping away from the bother taken along with the relentless current heading for the birth canal keep riding the birth canal another ride another plummet another drying out in the desert on the clothesline airing out bearing down on the parched stretch of land below bearing down with no bearing in mind what mind?

The voices outside.

Or were they inside?

Airing out bearing down on the parched stretch of land below bearing down with no bearing in mind what mind?  in what mind?  Lost it misplaced it somehow the address no alternative but to end up at the park and the current water under the  bridge still won't find them passing all misunderstanding passed like a stone missed under standing water underwater water under the bridge coming up on the other side looking for them on the bridge coming up out of the birth canal another ride another promise coming up out of the birth canal another ride another expression coming up out of the birth canal another ride another airing out on the clothesline another bearing down just before being born down onto the parched stretch of land below bearing down with no bearing in mind what mind?  in what mind?  just one small piece of clothing before it sinks into the current washed away tossed upon the waters keeps coming back regurgitating for another ride through the birth canal coming up out of that birth canal that ride that piece of clothing that never seems to make it that piece of clothing that dress that never seems to make it to the clothesline to stand behind and smell the dry air pass through it to the bother that passes along with the current water under the bridge coming up on the other side looking for them on the bridge coming up out of the birth canal another ride another promise coming up out of the birth canal another ride another expression coming up out of the birth canal another ride another airing out on the clothesline another bearing down just before being born down onto the parched stretch of land below bearing down with no bearing in mind what mind?  in what mind?


- Max Stoltenberg

CONCIERGE HOLLOW

He noticed the look she was giving him what she was giving him the look she was giving him.  It was curtains plastic curtains fish swimming fish floating fish dead just plastic fish on plastic curtains.  It was curtains.  Lifting an arm the left arm an elbowing his way through the layers of clothes.  Coming out and the look on their faces two faces why even bother to begin to say something stop thinking stop breathing.  Lifted and noticed he noticed the look she was giving him what she was giving him the look she was giving him.  It was lifted perhaps taken typically unfortunate rounded to the nearest death paralyzed from the mouth down just so you can see what it's like.  Lifted or taken from him from what she was giving him as he noticed the look she was giving him.  Empty cleaning bottle rolled into a freshly dug grave.

It was curtains.  It was curtains through which he was re-introduced into society.  It was curtains.  Lifting and turning pages amazed that he could follow as long as he had follow signs to and from his desk to his bed from his office to his bed from his car to his bed from the highway to the bed past the one lane closure one eye with the lid pulled down for fitting some missing frames of a dream it was a nightmare leave its sharp edges be let them fade still there.  It was curtains.  Lifting and turning pages amazed that he could follow as long as he had follow the signs on the other hand no it must be this hand held up bending it back like an old man bending not getting back to his other hand bending under the ledge he used to look down from can't even lift hands and their other hands over the ledge to conjure a spark long ago shortly quickly passing away to catch in the throat and there are the wordless signs following wordless signs can't follow what he's read can't follow much else can't follow can't stop the following of the wordless feet thudding can't even lift hands and their other hands to conjure a spark long ago shortly quickly passing away to catch in the throat and there are the wordless feet thudding under the ledge beneath the bleachers.

It's curtains through which pushing through layers of clothes didn't make it very far mostly flattened for basements no basements to be found they didn't make it very far mostly flattened.  Pushing through layers of clothes through to the looks on their faces two faces why even bother to begin to say something stop thinking stop breathing.  Stop putting the hairbrush so close to the toothbrush all the hairs the bristles all the wires reaching back there why did he reach back there?  pushed down whose hand on the top on the back of his head? pushed down whose hand his hers on the other hand other hands pushing down pushing through layers of clothes didn't make it very far mostly flattened for basements no basements no basement windows around shutting their eyes around the pushing around through layers of clothes held breath spilled hurled breath pushing through layers of clothes through to the looks on their faces two faces why even bother to begin to say something stop thinking stop breathing.  Back behind a dark screen.  It was fish plastic fish plastic curtains.  It was curtains.  Another attempt a later attempt another attempt to stay to stay out of the trajectory of random acts ever mindful random acts collisions with other people's things other people's faces other people's looks other people's thinking and screaming associations ruled out bodies not inclined only laid out in chains limbs chained together with the down side of the up and down the side of the down side of being touched by the wounding impact of the lines and the tape that is not crossed spaces reserved for a double crossing.

"Make it a double."

Another attempt to stay to stay out of the trajectory of random acts ever mindful random acts collisions with other people's things other people's faces other people's looks other people's thinking and screaming associations ruled out bodies not inclined only laid out in chains limbs chained together with the down side of the up and down the side of the down side of being touched by the wounding impact of the lines and the tape that is not crossed spaces reserved for a double crossing.

"That would be mine.  Make mine a double."

The hogs wouldn't turn around at the sound of their names being called for another round they had it had had it right where they were sitting on newspaper holding it down keeping it down when told to keep it down that they had heard even the flapping and turning of the pages of the newspaper as it caught the wind sweaty with wind taking the stories from them as they had heard even the flapping and turning of the pages of the newspaper as it caught the wind sweaty with wind taking the stories from them as they had it had had it right where they were sitting holding nothing now but themselves down alas the down side of the up and down the side of the down side holding it down keeping it down when told to keep it down as they were told as they were called what had they been called?  some derogatory animal thing a thing now for weighing down other things and itself can't even roll over when it could upset so so many so many others so many other things for weighing down other things and themselves keeping it down as they had been told as they had been called what had they been called to turn around at the sounds of being called for another round they had it had had it right where they were where their stories once were and had been taken away with the sounds of flapping and the turning of pages caught by the wind sweaty with wind taking the stories from them.

When asked when asked about it when being asked about being asked about it they were hot and cold about it when it came to the latest relocation they could only comment on its darker shades of discouragement less and less mobility was up ahead up ahead go ahead ask them go ahead when asked they were hot and cold when they stood in the narrow back hallway looking at each other's modes of looking at each other's modes of looking at each other.  When asked when asked about it when being asked about being asked about it they were hot and cold.

"I am covered in a full-body membrane of perspiration deep-fried in the humid air around me as my nail polish has melted from vivid kaleidoscopes to abstract secretions mixed with the essence of amusement park rubbish basted with the drippings that started from their conception in the steaming pools rising among my hair follicles bordering along my scalp and coursing their way through my eyebrows interbreeding with the verge that has formed up there and worked their way to the ceilings of the sockets where the sweltering and globule-like threads of various waste products can drain down onto  glistening lids or catch and burn in my inflamed corneas."

"My gums are shivering trying not to let it make any cracks in my ice cube of a head where the stubble has frozen still into one glacial expression that is further blanketed with the arctic blasts recirculated by the vents of my nostrils where stalactites of mucus are encrusted and ever so slightly flake off as snow onto the rigid form below where limbs can no longer recall how to flex or bend while -"

"Oh do go on do go on can't wait to hear more about the exact opposite of reality and its supreme denial man of snow and ice in the boiling desert."

"That's right that's right and so incontrovertible so ironclad an argument there never was as she clawed at his blue frost-smitten skin thawing his popsicle blood with her rage so that its profuse ink could re-harden as it reached the blue refrigerated surface."

"It is alas too bad that your mouth runs far longer than any air conditioning program you could ever set."

"What do you have to be so forlorn about when the only consolation left to me consists of missing more of what you spew because of the chilled slowing down of the eardrum translating all you say into the sound of paper crumpled up to hide suicidal musings."

"I already knew that that you don't hear a word I say."

"You're right and it certainly does have a better dead quality about it when it's more intentional."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"No no.  No, I'm not falling for that one."

"What one?"

"No no.  Don't play the simpleton with me and pretend like you don't mean to get me to discuss the intent of my intent and then just allow the organic emission of something stupid where I confirm the illogical and contradictory nature of all my nonsense."

"You'd rather your making a fool of yourself be by your own hand?  Well, what are you waiting for?"

"What good is an overture or disclaimer or warning now when it ruins the threat of nonsense?"

"What's the largest piece of dandruff you've ever seen?"

"I've got to say probably what you put in front of me for breakfast yesterday or was it the day before?"

"Ungrateful rash."

"No really, I think it was sometime or several times during the last many months.  Enough to adorn this shack from the cradle to the cap."

"Where is it?"

"The cradle or the cap?"

"No.  The bottles."

"I've been out of whiskey for who knows how long.  Just can't find where you've been stockpiling it behind some false wall."

"What false wall?  This one right here between us is pretty fucking thick if you ask me."

"Need something to hold up the roof over our heads since I have shit for brains."

"Don't think this'll let you inside me just because I agree with you."

"I wouldn't dare get so cocky."

"Wouldn't?  You couldn't you mean."

"And who says I'd even want to attempt a re-entry?  I'd make a forsaken cinder of myself."

"It gives you great joy to keep your elliptical aloofness."

"What joy?  I just feel less less-fortunate orbiting you and the Earth from out here."

 "Where are the bottles?"

"I already told you.  You've been holding out on me."

"No, not the whiskey.  Where are your bottles of that bright red stuff you love to suck down?"

"Oh that stuff.  Made me belch like a fog horn."

"No wonder we haven't had any glass in our windows since whenever."

"Come on.  You know the reason for that."

"All the flies."

"Rocks."

"All the fumes."

"People."

"All the noise."

"Words.  All the shouting.  So many of them.  And the things the things they said about me, but most of all the things they said about you.  She is so emaciated now."

"What would make them say that with this poochy belly?"

"I was talking about the cat.  I think he's deliberately going out and letting himself get attacked.  Did you see that hole in his head behind his left ear?"

"His right ear."

"I thought it was his left."

"Put out your hands and we'll do the test again."

"How about I put out my eyes and we can forgo my disorientation problems?"

"You've been nipping at the bright red soda again haven't you?"

"No."

"Haven't you?"

"I said no already.  All right already?"

"I'd hate to see what it does to your shit."

"You would.  It's getting difficult enough to find space behind the house to dig a hole and then witness your own log rupture and hemorrhage with the stuff.  It practically swamps the thing."

He noticed the look she was giving him what she was giving him the look she was giving him.

"I'm very familiar too familiar with holes and myself.  Familiarity is all that keeps me showing up for giving two popped testicles regarding what comes out of me.  Scratching and sniffing about the yard for a patch that hasn't been used yet.  Used.  I'm very familiar too familiar with holes and myself when the only spot where one can step outside is between bathrooms."

"Your eyes are turning red."

"It's the air descending upon us for another day."

"You used to laugh at my bit about the hemorrhaging.  What're you doing?"

"I was trying to get that bug under your arm."

"Under my right arm?  I'll get it."

"Your left arm.  Let me."

"My left arm.  I'll do it.  I've grown accustomed to getting my own bugs."

"I think it fell off."

"It's fallen off all right.  It's all fallen off.  Can't make my quota.  It's the only measure to compare to anything how many bugs I've managed to kill or trap in the containers we haven't lost or broken yet."

"I know they're not in the best of shape."

"The containers?"

"No.  My feet.  You were looking down at them noticing them?  Weren't you?"

"I can if you want."

"Forget it."

"That's right tell me to do that.  I'm so capable with that one.  I'm told and off it goes.  It's not like I don't have any control over what I get to relish and let go of."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you don't understand I'm the one who's sorry."

"About how this went?"

"No, about how this is going now about how this always goes now."

"Nutjob, even if you weren't looking down at them look at my feet.  I know I'm so demanding all those expectations of mine but never mind that now.  You and your how this is going now and your how this always goes now.  The sanitation truck you hear it doing something and the shit keeps building nothing but building."

"Your feet and my head.  Almost made a complete individual.  Not quite.  Not quite.  Almost made it to the water so we could soak your feet and my head in the waves. Almost made it.  Not quite.  What're you doing?  Is there another bug crawling on me?"

"No, I was going to just touch you."

"Don't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because that's when this goes away.  That's how it always goes.  Well, it doesn't go away on the way up and out of this I then pass through this other dream more like a nightmare.  It always takes place in a store or a mall or some kind of hotel lobby or something.  And I'm always trying to hide between the layers of clothes hanging on sales racks or those luggage carrier things.  And even though I don't see them most of the time I'm hiding I know they're around somewhere making sure I don't get too far and I'm even aware even though I don't see them either friends it's like I think I have some and they're there somewhere or right behind me but I don't dare turn around I just hide and then it ends with the part where I take the risk of pushing my head through the layers of clothes and stick my head out and I see the faces two faces of these two faces and they look so worn down by things and like they want to help they want to listen they want to believe what I'm saying but they can't and I can feel I can hear my thoughts backing up giving up and sticking to the outside of my head as my head can't get back into hiding sticking to the clothes to the covering the plastic covering curtains it's curtains I yank my head back in and look up standing at attention as I notice some tall man with his face his look that says I've got you and it's going to be OK.  So I stay inside.  Trying not to step outside trying to stay in the house trying to stay inside trying not to step out into the house into this room blown apart exposed by windows and doors and rocks and shouting.  So please don't touch.  Never was good at holding on to things.  That's what they always said with the looks on their faces their two faces.  They travel in pairs and they pursue you surround you you get away and you go through it again.  That's where the shaking comes from.  It's all my body can take credit for are these vibrations all I've been able to make except for my mind being able to put together a nightmare wrapped in two slices of bleak drudgery."


Another attempt to stay to stay out of the trajectory of random acts ever mindful random acts collisions with other people's things other people's faces other people's looks other people's thinking and screaming associations ruled out bodies not inclined only laid out in chains limbs chained together with the down side of the up and down the side of the down side of being touched by the wounding impact of the lines and the tape that is not crossed spaces reserved for a double crossing.

"That would be mine.  Make mine a double."


- Max Stoltenberg

IN THE LIEU OF A CONCLUSION

Thought we were agreed upon it that we had agreed upon something that resembled something with some similarities or maybe just one similarity guess not anymore or never had been agreed upon thought we were upon a common ground only one out here since since thought we were agreed had agreed had not we agreed if we had agreed if it had not been thought about it wouldn't be looking down at the ground the common ground tripped over a part of it on the way out here to meet no one to get away from that to keep walking away to keep walking on alone only one out here since since since yes only since nothing beyond that since since noticing the sun the heat thought about it wouldn't be looking down at the ground that more than one similarity after another similarity more than one no one no no one out here.

Let's talk.

Think that's so great what a piece of shit think that's so fucking great what a fucking lousy piece of fucking shit.  Thought we were agreed upon it that we had agreed upon something that resembled something with some similarities or maybe just one similarity guess not anymore or never had been agreed upon thought we were upon a common ground only one out here since since since yes only since keep it to just since nothing else beyond that since or since since since what never mind only one out here no one else out here.

Let's talk.

Since since what?  Nothing no one out there here out here no one out here there.  That was the last slice.  What made that bruise?  Since noticing the sun the heat trying not to think about it since since what?  Noticing no one out there here out here no one out here there.  That was the last slice.  What made that bruise?  Since noticing the sun the heat trying not to even get to it got out here though no one out here.

Let's talk.

"You've put it out there."

Won't looking down at the ground the rocky ground won't looking up at the sky with its shine crisp sharp rubbed with a paper towel cleaning drops in the corners of both eyes.  Both eyes reading backwards past the mass the mass in the mind architecture fallen around the ground the rocky ground won't looking up at the sky with its shine crisp sharp rubbed with a paper towel cleaning drops in the corners of both eyes.  Both eyes reading backwards past the mass the mass in the mind. And and that's and that's what that's what they want to keep it going just keep walking on past what they want to keep it going just keep walking on past what they want what they thought we were agreed upon it that we had agreed upon something that resembled something with some similarities or maybe just one similarity guess not anymore or never had been agreed upon thought we were upon a common ground only one out here since since thought we were agreed had agreed had not we agreed if we had agreed if it had not been thought about it wouldn't be looking down at the ground the common ground tripped over a part of it on the way out here to meet no one to get away from that to keep walking away to keep walking on alone only one out here since since since yes only since nothing beyond that since since noticing the sun the heat thought about it wouldn't be looking down at the ground that more than one similarity after another similarity more than one no one no no one out here.

Let's talk.

"You've put it out there."

"So you've said."

"No.  You've said."

"Have I?"

"Think so."

"I'll say it again.  Have I?"

"Now you're opening it up."

"Opening up what?"

"The package."

"Is that all you have to offer is another package?  That's all its ever been is packages.  Offer after offer one package after another one package upon another thrown onto the pile discarded until they block it out.  Offer after offer one package after another one package upon another thrown onto the pile until they block them out not the ones who want to keep it going not them but them the walls that used to live with things growing in them holes in them to see through to eyes that used to look back opening and closing with lashes that made their mark between each rib.  Packages you're not even looking no one here."

Let's talk.

"Eyes that used to what did you say after that?"

"Never mind."

"Don't do that."

"Don't do that."

"Don't do that."

"Won't."

"Won't what?"

"Instead I'll tell you what else happened."

"And when was this?"

"Hard to make out.  It's prehistory now."

"Prehistory?  I thought we were past that."

"We were thought we were thought we were agreed upon it that we had agreed upon something that resembled something with some similarities or maybe just one similarity guess not anymore or never had been agreed upon thought we were upon a common ground only one out here."

Let's talk.

"Back to this again."

"Yes, back to this again.  It comes around again to this again."

"I thought we were past that."

"Both eyes reading backwards past the mass the mass in the mind.  And and that's and that's what that's what they want to keep it going just keep walking on past past that and you thought we were past that."

"Are you quoting me?"

"I'm quoting you tepidly.  The walls of this head have ears."

"Is this another one of your self-conscious moments?"

"No.  Yes.  Maybe.  Mostly agree.  Slightly disagree.  Give me a moment."

"You've had a shitload of moments."

"That's true.  And how much is that roughly?"

"A shitload."

"I know.  How much is a shitload?"

"Think about it."

"When it's a matter of self-consciousness it's more in the nose the bad smells and the odors and the decay and the waste.  Each moment is a shitload."

"Must you put that out there into the universe?"

"Into the universe?"

"Yes.  What's the universe going to do with that?  I hate to think."

"You use that expression as if somehow it serves to fill in the blanks or pushes out some of the better words I've been lucky enough to remember to use or forgotten they were here or when I was distracted by a pelican that web-footed thing the grey storm cloud slapping itself like a blob of mired paint onto the wood of the pier stuck into above the ocean that began there began around the outer waves around the inner deeper the pelican's mouth opening close it close it and expression as if somehow it serves to fill in the blanks or pushes out some of the better borrowed lost words lost to you and the universe a long and very slow death by hanging."

Instead I'll tell you what else happened.  I was sitting and while I was sitting I turned my head and looked not too far across the room and saw her there and she had been looking at me.  Her legs weakened and collapsed her fur aging her dark eyes diffused with almost total blindness had been looking at me and it was then that I realized she had been looking at me and was still looking at me and I saw in her through her something looking at me.

"Something big?"

No.  Something very small.  Offer after offer one package after another one package upon another thrown onto the pile discarded until they block it out.  Discarded.  Another discarded package on the growing pile that's all the growing there will ever really be.  Offer after offer invitation after invitation to welcome you in and they move on to the next invitation while you take up residence opening it closing it taking up residence until you do them yet another favor of discarding yourself onto the pile the growing pile that's all the growing there will ever really be.  Thought we were agreed upon it that we had agreed upon something that resembled something with some similarities or maybe just one similarity guess not anymore or never had been.  One package after another one package upon another thrown onto the pile until they block them out not the ones who want to keep it going not them but them the walls that used to live with things growing in them holes in them to see through to eyes that used to look back opening and closing with lashes that made their mark between each rib.  Packages you're not even looking no one here.


- Max Stoltenberg

BLACKSMITH CONCUSSION

Picking it up where it fell off caught in the chain link fence hemmed in by getting rid of a nuisance only to have the relishing of that moment end with his old and worn out shorts latched onto barbs the metal thorns the subjection of the object to things and their surroundings hemmed in by getting rid of a nuisance only to have the relishing of that moment end with his old and worn out shorts latched onto barbs the metal thorns the subjection of the object to things and their surroundings hemmed in framed for a still life cell within the walls of borrowed ramparts to be given back after picking it up where it fell off.

Lifting the head that has fallen asleep and leaked onto the page the table spreading the sheet where the dog and the cat are harvested asunder into the bosoms of parentheses stretched across highway loops that have ended up in the hands of wheels steering commutes sentenced to lifting the head that has fallen asleep and leaked onto the page it was at fault it was its fault it was the head's fault and its foolish image of shoes smacking onto the floorboards from the bed where white toes swollen with pacing under red tear-filled eyes above a nose folded in the middle of a neglected magazine.

Picking it up where it fell off where it broke off into the inaudible scrawling of wayward meadows dug out and excreted onto pavement and maybe even yards for being passed through strained intestines for passing by passing on that’s where neighbors come appearing suddenly as forgotten waste returning as an invasive species to tank the swamp until it evaporates after the drizzle of gestures drying into the turds about the yard.

The aging gentleman was wondering if he could jump or climb up or down the next passage of what was in store confronted by news of his refracted anger at the child who bumped into his knee the one that was weak from the accident the one with the bus of athletes and their shouting and ridiculing aimed at what need was there for them to encircle him and push and prod him when they had their bus to do it for them.

Heavy eyelids closed her ears to the traffic of words despite the bluster of their meaning unsettling her blanket. Largely a matter of being not so well-known not so well to arise to sit on the toilet for an unknown length of time in the dark the dark that seeps from between her swollen toes into the backyard drying out in the backyard the new shovel shoveling the same shit getting rid of a nuisance only to have the relishing of that moment end with his old and worn out shorts latched onto barbs the metal thorns the subjection of the object to things and their surroundings hemmed in by getting rid of a nuisance only to have the relishing of that moment end with his old and worn out shorts latched onto barbs the metal thorns the subjection of the object to things and their surroundings hemmed in framed for a still life cell within the walls of borrowed ramparts to be given back after picking it up where it fell off.

Being approached had been a part of this forced navigation and even when characterized by a hooker breaking a heel on a manhole cover or a patronizing door-to-door salesman's belch the near miss obliteration from a weaned planetoid has inspired much dejection in a body stuck to the fence topped with a mind that could always use a timely removing for a good soak as yet more rain clouds disappear around the far off mountains.

"What channel are you tuned in to?" asked Naggish.

"A web of my own making or someone else's," muttered Gunk patting the top railing of the fence with both hands and contemplating biting his nails after thumb wrestling with a leper about a third of the way through a game of 500 rummy before finishing his sopapilla.

"I meant inside," said Naggish horrified by the sudden image of the golf course surrounded by shopping carts and lean-tos. 

"Don't look now," said Gunk.

"What?" reacted Naggish turning about and scanning up and down the street.

"I meant this way," indicated Gunk lowering his eyes.

"All the dog shit in your backyard?" answered Naggish.

"You are fluent in the obvious, Naggish," said Gunk scraping his tongue with his teeth to continue discarding the leftover sandwich still drenched with condensation from a defective refrigerator.

"Aren't we all then?" pointed out Naggish.

"From a defective something or other," muttered Gunk as he realized what he was saying and gave an abridged yawn.


"Snap out of it," said Naggish.

"That's what you keep telling me," replied Gunk.

"And how many times have I had to keep on telling you?" inquired Naggish.

"Seven, I think," said Gunk grimacing.

"Seven is a lucky number," announced Naggish.

"Why is seven lucky?" asked Gunk looking at his roof and noticing a tile four tiles missing.

"I don't remember," Naggish said with an image of a blue screen and the message NO SIGNAL in his head.

"It's a lemon," said Gunk with an image of a screen door and its mesh bulging as a vacuum cleaner is pushed too far across crumbs of cheese curls on dark red living room carpet in his head as a sharp pain on the right side of his lower abdomen made itself known.

"What's a lemon?" asked Naggish.

"This karma.  It's a lemon," commented Gunk.

"Seeing you stuck to this fence makes me think about why my business hasn't been going so well," said Naggish.

"There was this salesman walking along and right in the middle of his pitch emits a loud belch - must have lasted three seconds although if asked he probably would have rounded it off to the nearest ten.  After making some comment that hovered like a satellite view over an apology he insisted on continuing about some form of auto glass insurance package with intermittent lame attempts at repeating back any information he tried to pull out of his latest inevitable rejection.  As he walked on he drank more brown foam from his liter of soda," droned Gunk while his gentle rocking against the chain link fence had gradually become a little more dramatic and then less so again.

"My income has been unreliable lately.  This next generation is too young and indecisive," said Naggish.

"Why are you looking at me that way?" asked Gunk.

"What way?" asked Naggish thinking he heard some distant explosion at the town dump or was it the recycle collection bins?

"Just wanted to use the question as a segue to how much grey hair has developed on this side of my head over my left ear," said Gunk.

"Brown foam you said?" asked Naggish.

"You can't miss it you have to admit with how much it has been spreading all along the left side, Naggish, come on," insisted Gunk.

"Did that happen to you with the salesman?" asked Naggish.

"You can grind your asphalt tangent all you want, Naggish.  The grey's even manifesting itself on to the top of my head and trying to get it's purchase before working its way to the part you know," said Gunk.

"You don't have a part," observed Naggish.

"That's right.  Went to the lady in the hole in the wall they have there by the returns department at the supermarket," recalled Gunk crinkling his nose.

"Which one was it?  Was it the one with the tattoo of the apartment collapse?" asked Naggish eagerly.

"No.  The one who smells of hand sanitizer and utility sink after its rained," quipped Gunk.

"I thought it was a letter M and stood for somebody's name until I took a closer look at it," said Naggish.

"She didn't always smell like that," lamented Gunk.

"Combinations, Gunk.  It's the combinations that make it more lucky," said Naggish.

"All the various positions buried her smell," said Gunk hollowly.

Naggish said, "No, I mean it's all the combinations of seven, you know, two plus six and three plus-"

"That's eight," stated Gunk.

"I know, I was going to say instead three plus five," replied Naggish.

"That's still eight," said Gunk.

"Damn it all to fungal growths!" shouted Naggish.

"What flexibility in all these combinations finding new ways back to the same repetitions," muttered Gunk.

"Jam it all up the dismal promontory!" yelled Naggish.

Gunk looked up and spoke, "Driving on the road and saw over the mountains a hole in the storm clouds."

"Was this you you're talking about?  I can't tell.  You're still showing up somewhere and not just here," asked Naggish.

"What difference where or who?  Either here or there it's a matter of hoping hoping someone won't notice the ways my body shows up in my clothes the way the contents press up against the skin press up against the folds.  A hunched over potato bug existence if there ever was one," said Gunk.  "Driving on the road and saw over the mountains a hole in the storm clouds and the light wasn't shining out it was closing in on itself like once when in the reflection of her eyes one of her eyes eyes reflecting each other and her hair was tangled hanging her in the curtain cords of eyelashes."

Heavy eyelids closed her ears to the traffic of words despite the bluster of their meaning unsettling her blanket. Largely a matter of being not so well-known not so well to arise to sit on the toilet for an unknown length of time in the dark the dark that seeps from between her swollen toes into the backyard drying out in the backyard the new shovel shoveling the same shit getting rid of a nuisance only to have the relishing of that moment end with his old and worn out shorts latched onto barbs the metal thorns the subjection of the object to things and their surroundings hemmed in by getting rid of a nuisance only to have the relishing of that moment end with his old and worn out shorts latched onto barbs the metal thorns the subjection of the object to things and their surroundings hemmed in framed for a still life cell within the walls of borrowed ramparts to be given back after picking it up where it fell off.

Being approached had been a part of this forced navigation and even when characterized by a hooker breaking a heel on a manhole cover or a patronizing door-to-door salesman's belch the near miss obliteration from a weaned planetoid has inspired much dejection in a body stuck to the fence topped with a mind that could always use a timely removing for a good soak as yet more rain clouds disappear around the far off mountains.  


- Max Stoltenberg